Therapist today.

He really wants me to talk about things I don't want to talk about. I don't know if I can see the benefit in it. :-\ Ergh. So yeah...I don't know.

In the meantime here is Jori. She has taken to lying on my chest when I am in bed reading in the morning.

Here she is purring like an engine, just chillaxin'.

Aoife queen of the broken toys!

And a nice smoothie for breakfast. Apple, banana, frozen strawberries, lime, ginger. Very good!

Had my yearly MRI

Had my MRI on the 11th. Spent time like a cork in a bottle so they can see what the brain is doing. I am pretty sure I have a sizable new lesion on my cerebellum as I have some very interesting ataxic kinds of tremors going on in my head and upper body. Strange stuff. I meet with my Neuro on Monday 25th so it will be interesting to see what he wants to do.

I have been on Rebif long enough that if it was going to work my brain mri should show that. IF not I worry about the next step. I have anxiety about Tysabri and I think that would be my next step. :-\ Hmmm...in any case yeah, guess I don't need to get all freaked out before it happens.

In the meantime I am juicing and smoothy-ing like a freaking champion. Love it bigtime.

Looks a bit anemic in the picture, but in real life it was very good. A fruit (w/spinach) 'sorbet', made with one banana, 2 oranges, raw spinach, and frozen peaches, blended and enjoyed!

Sauteed Radishes! My sister recommended this recipe and I baulked so much at first, but these were amazing! I used some grape seed oil (she recommended butter), green onion, sea salt, pepper, and radishes. Saute them until they turn nice and purple and are tender. They are so good I want to eat them for every meal.

After months (and I wish this was me being hyperbolic, but no it has been MONTHS) of stuggle to get my two cats off of their 'fast food' style grain filled commercial kibble. And on to a raw meat, no grain diet, made by me...dealing with their rejection of them not even recognizing grain free food as 'real' food...then struggling against my own ocd and quite real fear of having meat in my home I compromised and bought this raw diet recipe for them, that comes frozen in pre-cut 1oz medallions.

So instead of feeding them an all raw meat diet, that I make myself, I thaw and feed them the raw in the morning, and a grain free kibble at night. It's not where I wanted to end up, but I couldn't rationalize with my meat phobia and face the prospects of grinding, mixing, portioning, and cleaning up after all that raw meat. This seemed like the best I could really do. It still creeps me out, but it's a manageable amount of daily cleanup and my germaphobia doesn't go too crazy, and it's in reality so much better than where I started that I just have to take baby steps. Maybe at some point I will be able to take the plunge but not right now.

Aoife (on the right) quality controlling Jori's usage of her new 'slow down' bowl. Making sure she's doing it correctly!

Getting shit done yo!

So I had my first dental appointment in over 12 years, and now I am freaking convert to the going to the dentist religion. I want everyone to do it. A lot. My dentist split my appointments into four parts one quadrant at a time to deal with some cavities (my shame knows no bounds) and the cleanings themselves. THANK GOODNESS for my ocd (thank you daddy for your genetics) because my teeth aren't falling out of my head, my gums are perfect, and he can clean each quadrant in about three minutes flat. So I have one more appointment where he is going to take off my retainer brackets I've worn for over 25 years. Sort of nervous for that one. :-\

I also made an MRI appointment as I see my neurologist at the end of the month and he needs new film for that to see what new holes are in my brain. I have new m.s. symptoms like the bad tremors so I know there are new lesions, which makes me wonder if he will want to switch up my drugs. I am on Rebif, with 3 self injections a week. I swear if he wants me on a drug with more frequent injections I will lie on his office floor and sob. I wish I were kidding here. I don't know what's going to happen.

I have been seeing a counselor again, and it's a man. ugh. I let him know when I had my first appointment that I don't trust men and he was cool with it, he said after our first meeting that if I thought I wanted to see a woman he could refer me. BUT I decided it might actually help to see a man as that will maybe help me do what I'm trying to do, which is improve my emotional quality of life. ANYWHO....what else. Um...I'm trying to get some art done, and possibly read a bit less. :-\ (boo)

THIS is a tomato based juice (with lots of kale, thus the green) and it looks like swamp but it tastes AWESOME! I added some sriracha to it as well which just gives it the spicy love that I need.

So yeah, I'm still juicing and green smoothie-ing it up around my joint. I still want to bury myself into a pile of refined flour products and eat my way out of them, but oh well, it is what it is.

Juicing and green smothies are my friends?

Yeah so I have been doing even more raw food recently and I love and hate it all at once. I dream of bread, no lie. I have dreams where I am eating cheese tortillas and rationalizing why this is now part of my raw food plan. Hmmmm.

Anyway. I got this GIANT aloe leaf at Valley Liquidation for 1.49 whoot and I sliced it up into slimy mucus-y chunks to add to my smoothies.

Look at that monster! Here it is all sliced and diced.

It looks green but that's because I put a green lid under it, in real life it's clear and looks like ice cubes.

The texture isn't my favorite, but I know it's 'good for me' so I eat it. I think I might be a little crazy as well, which helps I suppose.

My health has been interesting, I have a new fun symptom which is an upper body and head tremor, it makes it difficult to stay upright. BUT most people get the tremors in their hands and that would make it hard to do art, so I will just count my luck on that one. Other than that just a new cat condo for my ladies from my parents and the girls LOVE IT! (And they also love their cat toy grave yard they've created down below as well.)